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02 March 2011 @ 01:06 pm
grieve  
sheltered well enough from the elements, the only change some environments will experience is slight decay.

in the bathroom i thought: well the thing is if there's no place for me in the world i make a place. the world can't need my particulars until i show the world my particulars are needed. then i thought: but i have never been particularly good at making a place for myself. what i'm good at is living in my head, vanishing into the space i already have. obfuscation, that's my gift. i don't know. still, i don't know. i want to burn sugar and stir it into my tea. i want to get lost alone at night, drive past broadcast towers. i want to burn candles and write sestinas. over and over and over. i want to be. i want to be. i want to be building to something. i need to be going somewhere.

i can't even listen to music the way i want to listen to music. what the hell is wrong with me?
 
 
 
light_stringlight_string on March 3rd, 2011 05:23 am (UTC)
i know what you mean. everything has shifted for me as well, including the way i listen to music. i am feeling sadness, like a loss.

i am at a loss of what to say, but i wanted to say something. i feel too parallel to know what to say that might help.

love
list melistme on March 3rd, 2011 10:30 pm (UTC)
i feel this way right now, too. i go back and forth between trying to figure out what's wrong with me and just trying to change things, flip switches off and on, start to build little sanctuaries and hope they won't be torn down again.
now you're a plastic veinmisera on March 5th, 2011 10:44 pm (UTC)

Yes. yes. I feel the same thing.