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28 June 2011 @ 03:48 pm
ambient memories  
i gathered up all our towels, pillowcases, i prepared my gladrags for a wash and, loaded up, tottered my way down to the basement. the machine, of course, was occupied. so i tottered back upstairs, put the towels back on their respective hooks, the pillowcases back on their respective pillows, and gave the rags a quick soak in the sink before setting them aside for my next opportunity. i need to remember to check this situation before i proceed as though i can predict whatever it is that's going on down in the laundry room on any given day.

i requested tomorrow off because i have a doctor's appointment and it's that doctor's appointment and i'd really rather skip an evening shift of gritting my teeth and digging my index fingernail into the pad of my thumb every time i loop the sensation of being examined, but my manager apparently missed my request sheet and scheduled me anyway. a shorter shift that still goes 'til near midnight. tomorrow's going to be a long day. but hours have been spare, so i'll plan on some really good music and a spicy cordial for when i get home. i'll also try to avoid any major mood trips; the healthiest way to negotiate these late shifts is certainly not turning out quite so many bitter impersonations of the littlest piggy. crying that hard, it really beats it out of you, especially in this heat.

saturday i gathered up my things and climbed out of my car while locking the door, as i usually do. the door slammed with my startled realization that my keys were not in my hand, as they usually are. in fact, my keys were in the car. not just in the car, in fact, but in the ignition. my keys, in fact, were still in the engaged ignition. upon recognizing this, it took me a full thirty seconds to convince myself it was true: my locked car was running with me on the other side of the lock. i almost lowered my ear to the hood to be sure. it was distressing, especially considering that i was standing in front of the organic market, my unbleached canvas shopping bag over my shoulder and re-purposed hemp wallet in hand. the kindly produce man at the organic market let me use their phone to call the house, and ben shuttled out in his beetle to bring my spare key. i'm so incredibly grateful for this man and his presence in my life. he didn't even tease me about it.

so my car running in the parking lot for a half hour, ben driving nine miles out and nine miles back to rescue me, and then my own drive home: i have built some unfortunate karma in the department of wasted fossil fuel. hopefully this will last as long as my last experience of locking myself out of my vehicle, which i think was a few weeks after i got my license, in the parking lot for the gail borden library, a good drive in pouring rain for my poor mother. of course, if i'd left that ten year old hatchback running, no worries. the damn thing always stalled out while idling, especially in the rain. the stoplight over the hill on route 20 was a special joy in that car.

at least saturday was a clear, reasonably tempered day.

i haven't known, really, what to say here, lately. i've nearly half filled the paper journal i started at the beginning of may, but it isn't online material. the balance is it's been a rough year after a very rough year, and i've been more vulnerable than usual. a couple recent burns on social networking sites have left me thinking i need a period of lunar withdrawal to get my head together. either that, or it's further self-sabotaging myself through unnecessary isolation. who can say any more, at this point? i sure can't.
 
 
music: hearts of space 351
 
 
 
crimson_vita: vivian in smaller mirrorcrimson_vita on July 2nd, 2011 10:50 pm (UTC)
Don't do the thing about self-sabotage through unnecessary isolation.

I've left my keys in my car with the engine running before, and I did it with my two year old son inside. It took the police 45 minutes to get inside. Also: It was my 6 cyclinder 4w dr Jeep. I don't know specifically what department of Karma handles that sort of thing (with it involving parenting and all), but that was 15 years ago and I don't think I've seen retribution yet. I guess my point is- because if the dept. of fossil fuels (of Karma) isn't handling my case by itself, it's surely involved- you can expect at least 15 years before retribution. Cold comfort perhaps, but it's always nice to know when something isn't going to be an immediate problem.