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25 September 2016 @ 01:02 am
out there somewhere  
fell down on roland: no structural damage but a lot of lost skin and a very swollen knee. but! i didn't have a cardiac event, so there's that. and the palpitations almost entirely stopped for the rest of the night: came back in the morning, but a lovely reprieve (while it lasted)

went in for bloodwork: i mean, you try to keep a good thought, like you're supposed to do if you want to get better, right? (note to readers: never, ever, ever say this to somebody with a chronic illness. don't even say something kind of a little bit like that. never. ever. i mean it. i will hunt you down. and if i can't--which, let's face it, will probably be the case; it's half past midnight and i'm already so far gone with hunger i could spit--chronic illness karma will hunt you down in my stead--and trust me! you really don't want to tango with that cowboy.) so i tried to keep a good thought, like i always do, except when i don't. but as the needle went in, that part of my nervous system that just knows there will be bruising, it hollered a string of (not vocally engaged) expletives and oh, dear. that i could even contemplate long sleeves in this july backwash masquerading as september. not quite my post-surgical butterfly rorschach, but definitely something that could draw comments of alarm from a good three yards back: whether or not that's another one of those none-of-your-damn-business scenarios that could earn you a good lassoing from the chronic illness karma cowboy.

so i limped and whimpered my way into the lab, had a variety of strange interactions with the lab staff, then limped and whimpered my way back home. i spent the rest of friday in bed icing my knee, listening to underwater guitars, worrying about humanity and watching my chest thump.

i don't know.