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selva oscura
08 February 2019 @ 02:24 pm
psyche
back to the beginning of it, back to the beginning, back to the beginning again. always this same story with you. this same beginning, here each morning, when i walk out of our pitch black sleeping chamber and into the nearly always temperate morning light; the in-between, where i go about my business of eating, eliminating, and anticipation; and then the end, molten at your touch, contemplating nothing, incapable of contemplation, rumination, or assessment. there will be time for that come morning, when i cover my eyes against that sudden shock of light and open our chamber door. how do i even get from one place to the next? i've never once stubbed my toe or bruised my hip on a nightstand and i'm sure there's something like that in here because i've used it, it's where we keep the handcuffs and the blindfold you inexplicably insist on me wearing inside the drawer.

psyche
i know. i know that's how you feel about it, and i'm grateful for the information because i really don't have very much to go on here, i don't know altogether that much about you. i mean, yes, i got the note with your sizing and color preferences, thank you, and i think you might favor some kind of strange feather cape, as i've felt you wearing it a number of times. but that's what i know. it's almost all of what i know, if i didn't also know you in a biblical sense.

psyche
the phrasing is strange to me as well.

psyche
i have no idea what "biblical" means. it might have something to do with what zeus dons the costumes of swans to do to maidens.

psyche
you know how i feel about it.

psyche
we will see. he will have his day in court

psyche
or he won't. so often, they don't.

psyche
i was thinking maybe we could make a compromise in the form of a sitting room? you know, subtle, natural lighting. maybe some spot lamps, so i could read before bed, sometimes? i wouldn't ask, but it really is my favorite time to read. i could always wear my blindfold when you are in the room with me, or maybe you'd even trust me to wear - blinders? that way we could - i could -

psyche
i know.

psyche
i know.

psyche
are you really so terrible to look at? you certainly smell divine.

psyche
okay, well, if you're going to sulk about it.

psyche
i know there's not anything to be fixed here. at least, i believe you when you say that there's not anything to fix. i'm not trying to fix anything. i'd just like to explore bonding with you over some activities that don't involve blindfolds and handcuffs, like maybe we could play parcheesi?

psyche
uno?

psyche
cards against humanity?

psyche
right, well my sisters could join us if

psyche
sorry! sorry.

psyche
no, i just forgot. couldn't you enchant a deck so it was like we had a third player? or maybe one of the teacups, like that time

psyche
right. never mind, you're right. you're always right. let's talk about something else.

psyche
i don't want to talk about that.

psyche
i don't know. i need something. i need to figure something out. something is out of alignment. something isn't right.

psyche
if i knew i wouldn't be sick of not knowing.

psyche
i guess i could be sick with knowing, instead.

psyche
i haven't got any idea. i don't know how you think i'd get one. ideas aren't abundant here, like most other things. maybe there's a relationship between a lack of ideas and a surplus of resources? it's like summer vacation when you're still in school. you always think in may, i'll have so much time! i'll be able to do so many projects! and then all of a sudden it's late august and all you've done is read v.c. andrews books and babysit. all that having so much time seemed to do for me was make me neglect the time i had. there was so much of it. all i could really do with it was neglect it.

psyche
are you even listening?

psyche
sometimes i wonder.



 
 
mood: talking to myself again
music: tryshe dhevney - you have wings