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27 July 2015 @ 05:24 pm
fruitsnack advocacy  
niece(1): I WANT A FRUITSNACK(2)

sister: NO



niece: MOM YOU NEED TO LET ME HAVE A FRUITSNACK! [stomps out of room, stomps down the stairs, sits down hard on bottom stair]

grandma: what’s wrong, honey?

niece [dramatic, huffing and gasp-speak] mom… will not… let me have… a fruitsnack! [sob](3)

grandma: sweetie, i’m sure she has a good reason for that.

niece [face lights up] [runs upstairs] MOM GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON I CAN’T HAVE A FRUITSNACK


niece [runs back downstairs, to grandma, quite cheerful] okay! she gave me one good reason. may i please have a banana?

this kid, people. this kid.(5)
(1) illinois niece. (she’s five, now.) everyone but my mother is labeled in accordance with their relationship with me, because i am the center of the universe. no, just because it was less confusing for me to write it this way, until i got to the part of the conversation that took place with my mother, because the term “mom” had already been used in conversational reference to my sister. so she's grandma. so really. things are labelled this way to make it easier for you to understand. really. truly. understand?
(2) for those of you who do not have children or regular contact with children or possibly have not ever been a child yourself, a “fruitsnack,” as indicated here, has nothing to do with fruit and very little to do with actual food. they’re basically gummy bears not in the form of bears. but they are not kusugai gummy muscats, because we should be so lucky! or rather ben should. from ben’s perspective, gummy muscats are the food of the gods, so much so that we will occasionally take exception to the whole gelatin deal in order to gorge ourselves upon them. one time, early on, so early he wasn't vegetarian yet, i was finding the wrappers for weeks after he left illinois and would get intensely weepy every time i found them. ah, young love. (un)fortunately, we have no local source as there is not a world market in the baltimore vicinity and that is where we used to get them. we have not given ourselves permission to order them online, but my fortieth birthday is coming up! which means you should get me yerba mate, tea that smells like burning, and/or supplies for art and witchery, not gummy muscats.
(3) encroaching right there on the melodramatic youthful pathos of one judith lloyd, with a weepy monologue well out of proportion to the triggering issue that may have taken place from this very same stair. ah, my twenties seem so long ago.
(4) my sister has an incredibly difficult time understanding this concept of not screaming in situations where not screaming would provide a significantly better outcome for her targeted conversational goals.
(5) beyond the awesomest most awesome ever, pardon my hyperbole. she can also jump off a diving board into twelve feet of water and swim to the side of the pool with no support necessary from the swim teacher. we really do need to visit my family more. stupid fucking money.