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05 February 2016 @ 01:47 pm
hollow disenfranchised stare  

ye gods

ETA: okay, i also got a very strange EOB from a prior insurance provider that was basically, "what are you trippin' on, woman?" denied denied denied, so what i'm hoping is the lab submitted to the insurance they had on file for me the last time i did stuff with them, which might have been 2012. i called them and gave them my new insurance information and the representative was kindly and at work in spite of her region currently being blizzarded out of existence and fingers crossed, okay? yeesh.
mood: $#%@!!!!!!
[redacted]elsewhereangel on February 5th, 2016 07:10 pm (UTC)
I've got my fingers crossed. I hate this so much.
selva oscuraanonymousblack on February 5th, 2016 07:15 pm (UTC)
yeah, 'cos otherwise i need to start the desperation gofundme yesterday. i don't think i could get that much for my car, at this point.
selva oscura: commodified selfanonymousblack on February 5th, 2016 07:31 pm (UTC)
or my eggs. ANYBODY WANT SOME 40-YEAR-OLD CANCER EGGS? imagine that bidding war.
Vicki: Adam Buschdaisydumont on February 6th, 2016 02:11 am (UTC)
Typical, unfortunately. I hope the re-submitted claim is okayed stat by your actual current carrier.
selva oscura: WAKAWAKAWAKAanonymousblack on February 6th, 2016 06:28 am (UTC)
just twenty hours earlier someone had updated in one of my survivor communities about getting pre-authed for major lab work and ultimately having the insurance company deny the claim on a very weird but apparently viable technicality and i try not to be superstitious about these things? overly so? but i had this moment of, "something like that is going to happen to me. soon. tomorrow." but i have to stop thinking like that, so i shook my head and stuck my tongue out at myself and found this in the mailbox the next morning.

stuff got dark for a few minutes there, v. way dark. why can i not have happy intuitings about adorable kittens and acceptance of loved pieces to favorite publications?
Vicki: Elfmandaisydumont on February 6th, 2016 05:26 pm (UTC)
I get that. Just this week, I landed in the ER at night because my b.p. went through the roof -- I always remember all the horror stories, put together all the symptoms, and come up with immediate death or dismemberment for myself. I'm being flip, but really that's what happens, and I often get those premonitiony things that leave me open to fear. I'm glad it worked out that the work will be paid for!
selva oscura: 453anonymousblack on February 7th, 2016 06:19 am (UTC)
i think to a degree it's... when the whole cancer thing started, it was in tandem with a mammogram finding. i spent an entire weekend a wreck, assuming there could be no other answer but the absolute worst case scenario. demented as this sounds, going through that helped when i ended up with a thyca diagnosis, because as bad as it was, it didn't hold a candle to the very shitty weekend of two cancers. sometimes i think giving in to the paranoia (a LITTLE) helps elasticize our perspective somewhat? it makes us more aware of what we're capable of enduring. but it ain't perfect by a longshot.
selva oscura: it's like i saidanonymousblack on February 6th, 2016 06:32 am (UTC)
why can't i AT LEAST have intuitings about the carefirst EOB i got at the same time and didn't bother to look at for several hours of freakout because i only use carefirst for the dentist, now, and we recently did that appointment? :-P sherlock i ain't.
Vicki: huh?daisydumont on February 6th, 2016 05:27 pm (UTC)
I get that too. Once in freakout mode, I find it hard to calm down and look around, too busy flailing like the robot in Lost in Space. :/
selva oscuraanonymousblack on February 7th, 2016 06:21 am (UTC)
again, though, going through that probably helps, in the long run. because at some point i'm going to learn that: oh. you know, something like this happened once. and it ended up not being so bad. maybe this will be like that, too.

at least sometimes. i learn that. sometimes. right?

Edited at 2016-02-07 06:24 am (UTC)
Vicki: Gerrydaisydumont on February 7th, 2016 04:22 pm (UTC)
That's an interesting perspective. It might in fact make a real diagnosis more manageable, as opposed to being completely surprised by it -- "How could this happen to me?! Oh yeah, I already thought about it." Like the medieval monks who were to meditate on their own deaths, to make friends with the inevitability of that. Cancer's not as inevitable, but it happens to so many of us (or diabetes or whatever) that it's realistic to think it's possible for us too. Now, if they hand me a diagnosis of some kind of cancer, I'll freak out, I guar-an-tee. But I've thought about it ever since Gerry's cancers and won't say, "How could this happen to me?!" ;)
selva oscuraanonymousblack on February 7th, 2016 06:21 am (UTC)
Vicki: 1958 Blue Birddaisydumont on February 7th, 2016 04:23 pm (UTC)
I keep telling myself things and sometimes do actually manage to believe me. :D
Nevarra: wtf?nevarra on February 6th, 2016 06:18 pm (UTC)
Well, shit. That's awful! I'm hoping that you're right and it's a paperwork type thing with the older insurance. If not....legit get that gofundme thing going girl!

Sending you love. Stress sucks. :(
selva oscuraanonymousblack on February 7th, 2016 06:24 am (UTC)
thank you, b. i'll keep you updated.

stress... yep. my jaw has officially fired my face. :-(
ghostelephantsghostelephants on February 12th, 2016 09:24 pm (UTC)
oi. fingers crossed, definitely.