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09 October 2016 @ 07:21 pm
reflected in returning love you sing  
to make an offering: to make an offering of one's self, one's intent. to offer one's own body as a vessel for spirit: purified and consecrated, returned to the singularity of devotion and intent. to purify through offering. to understand what an offering is. do i understand what an offering is? i struggle with it: what to offer, how to offer it. i struggle with allocating resources, with finding space on the altar, with what to offer and how to dispose of it when the offering is done. when is the offering done? sometimes i struggle simply with timing, the how and when, the who and why. i'm getting better, i guess, but it's still a fight and a chore when i'd like it to be a pleasure i willingly embrace. i'm getting better, i guess, but there's still a lot of work to do.

that's part of the offering, i guess.


1. still the rushes, still the body, hold the body and wait. hold the body. there is something here, something comprised of fragments and whispers, half spoke, half neglected, half clutched to the heart for much too long.

2. and then in the distance: for it is always in the distance.

3. and then in the distance: for it is always a long way off.

4. and then in the distance: there are answers, if not questions. there's forgetting if not something to remember. in the distance, there could be multitudes, there could be any number of things: so count them, count on it, count and count and count and count. keep counting. count still. make an offering of the count

5. holy mother, i spill myself before you in offering. i spill myself at your feet. i pray what you receive will not be taken lightly. i pray there is some other answer gathering itself up on the inbetween.

6. hush, it is important to tread lightly. to not speak a name until it is time for it to be spoken. to not be a stranger among even stranger. to count and be counted, to dream of countless things; to let the wind blow through, to let the wind blow out, to blow with the wind, with that kind of release, with such intense fervor

7. and yet we do not know what there is to know.

8. and yet we could not say what we needed to say.

9. and yet and yet and yet and yet: qualified to nonsense, we rattle down the hill in a rainwater barrel.

10. oh to be remembered, to be remembered for who i am.

11. oh to be desired, to be desired as who i am.

12. oh to have you lean over me half-dreaming, to press against, to press into me, to have you taste and bite and remember

13. remember me, my love, remember me with your desire.

14. but that's not the half of it: the half of it remains: rattling down a hillside in a rainwater barrel.

15. what will you do, when you hear? what will you do next?

16. i cannot know what will happen but i can trace the threads as they weave in and out of space and time, remembering to forget, forgetting to remember.

17. for nothing is truly forgotten, just as nothing is sincerely remembered.

18. and with that and like that and my dry scratchy eyes and my heavy tipping head and my aching bones and my aching head and the crick in my neck and the stitch in my side

19. for to answer without a question is a form of attack.

20. and to question, repeatedly, where there is not an answer is a manner of assault.

21. and you could have kissed me, but you did not kiss me, so what does that mean?

22. we are full, we are full of wind and circumstance. we are hot and hard and blown right through.

23. we are remembered. we are forgotten. we are an unasked question. we are an answer surrendered in offering of, in offering to, oh holy, oh holy holy, oh holy most holy to:

24. shh, the answer is coming.

25. hush, the offering is made.

music: voice of eye & life garden - the hungry void, vol. 1: fire