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15 November 2016 @ 05:51 pm
burn it  
it’s been a week and i don’t know what to say

except that

i want screaming i want lawsuits i want fucking justice i want people to remember this is not what they wanted for themselves or their children or other people’s children or the rest of the world or the earth itself i want people to remember that and start to feel things other than bitter resignation or so! much! worse! lethally placating optimism about how this is america and how in america things always work out for the best and it’s only four years and they’ll be a rising tide of opposition right shake up the system right it’s the only way people will wake up right don’t you know after all the bush administration successfully served that purpose right and we’ll never have a problem like that again right and it’s only four years and “maybe it won’t be so bad as everyone thinks” and it’s only four years and nothing too bad will happen to us because it is america and as americans we are beautiful and the angels love us too much to let us come to any real harm

(tell that to freddie gray)

gray because it’s what my last name means gray because it is who i am who i’ve always been gray in the places between at the crossroads in twilight in the places not quite as a matter that can be labelled or fit into a profitable marketing demographic i don’t fit i can’t fit i’m not proud of it anymore i can’t be proud of it anymore if i was ever really proud of it in the first place there is no gray in red white and blue there is no place for gray in america i know that but i’m still here so come and see the blood in the portland streets those folks are proud americans those folks want a better world for their children those folks are just swell with their safety pins and their outraged petitions and their socially acceptable flesh tones we should’ve listened to baltimore this might not have happened if more people listened to baltimore yet! when it happened in baltimore we were chastised and ultimately erased when it happened in baltimore we are denounced as thugs when it happened in baltimore cnn reported that all of baltimore was buring and people all over social networks tell us: look out for those thugs! be safe! be aware! be good

nobody is “safe”
nobody has ever been “safe”
nobody will ever be “safe”
the notion of safety is a placating illusion
trust me
i have the rape history and medical records to prove it

the closest thing we as a society will ever come to actualizing the notion of safety is when we are able, in spite of everything, to hold one another in love in compassion.

not cherry pick who gets civil liberties.

not explain explain explain away to POC, to people with disability, to the LGBTQ community, to the poor, to people who are not christian, to women why their experiences are not valid and they really should shut up already.

not appropriate the protections of social flagging instead of doing the work to make yourself a visible and accountable ally.

not eviscerating the voting rights act then abandoning it to rot away for three and a half years so when the silencing of millions of americans with no-win bureaucracy results in, well, this, those of us who were able to vote have somebody ELSE to blame: somebody lazy, somebody selfish, somebody who “let” the bad guys win. somebody ELSE didn’t vote, so somebody ELSE can’t complain, right? so stop complaining, somebody ELSE! this is america.

fuck you. that’s victim blaming. fuck you. that’s racism. fuck you. that’s ableism. fuck you.

that’s privilege.

how about instead of blaming an undesired election result on all those somebody ELSES who didn't vote, we turn that scrutiny back on ourselves and say: we did not protect the rights of our fellow citizens to vote. we did not look at the big picture. in our bubble of privileged, placated optimism, we refused to examine what was happening. we did not work to preserve liberty. so whether we ourselves voted or not, we can't complain. not about people who didn't vote.

it’s been a week and i don’t know what to say
what to write
what to do
who to be
i don't even know that i should continue to leave this journal public
nothing is safe anymore

not that it ever was.