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17 January 2018 @ 11:55 pm
so if i send it to you, you've got to promise to keep it whole  
always this certainty: this pulling in
this pulling away
this draw to draw: always moving

i remember that first moment i needed to remember as a moment

now it is all fragments. laboratory experimentation. something not yet this side of comprehension: something that could, just as easily, slip away

so slip away. there are answers. there are certainties. there are paths for matters to take: but nothing aligns, not one response pairs with a call: just slipping away into certainties, into conclusions we never asked for: conclusions simply thrust upon us and abandoned

did you think
did you really think

do you ever
think at all

nevermind that wasn't really what i was getting at
diversion tactics, i've indulged my share

i wanted to be an answer, not a reasonable solution.
i wanted to be an answer, not someone else’s excuse.
if i wrote it plain, that could be embarrassing, so instead

i’ll say
i meant to say something

but then again

again i said something isn’t right here
again i said we’ve been left to our own
again i said something, but i don’t know what
i couldn’t make out the words
i wouldn’t bring the words together
and now we’ve been left to whatever we’ve been left to
whatever that may be, whatever we’ve forgotten
to make it into

and the oceanic roar of my uncertainty
the rising tide of my general deficiencies
the infernal noise of my repeated undoing
undone and unfinished i draw my jagged nail
alongside the interior ripples of my opposing arm
a creature of air bound to the earth
crowned with fire, soaked through with brine

the laboratory abandoned. the experiment unfunded. always this un/certainty:

i have nothing to say

music: pteranodon - across the sea
So What?                       Kim Dot Dammit Livekdotdammit on January 18th, 2018 03:36 pm (UTC)
This is great.
selva oscuraanonymousblack on January 21st, 2018 09:55 pm (UTC)
thank you!