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06 August 2018 @ 04:02 pm
i'm gonna have to do this with all his movies, now, aren't i  
this time of year i always think about solaris: so here i am, finally initiating my scene-by-scene exploration. i've been watching one chapter a session, two times through at least. for now, i'm trying to make myself stick to just that, even though there are 33 chapters and most of them are less than five minutes in length.

i'm noticing so many things, about solaris and tarkovsky in general.

but that's the thing about investing your time.
time offers some pretty amazing kickbacks.

all time seems to ask in return for such gifts is that you do your best to witness them. you don't even need to send a thank you note. just acknowledge that time gave you something you find meaningful.

i just worried for several seconds about not being able to respect time's preferred pronouns because we have not had that conversation, you know, the one you start by asking who or what you want to communicate with if a conversation about preferred pronouns is wanted. it is important to remember that nobody is entitled to this conversation in order to drive the behavior of never forcing anybody to have it. that is one of the big things that needs improvement in our society: respect for one another's agency. what we want to talk about when we choose to talk about it. not being forced into answering every question. never being forced into explaining why we don't want to answer. communication is good, but nobody gets to know everything about anybody and every last one of us has as much right to express an opinion as we do to hold our silence.

sometimes i don't want to express an opinion.

sometimes i need to not express an opinion.

it is true that sometimes i could benefit from being challenged on that, because i am someone who has been culturally silenced in several ways and that has left scars as well as destructive self-censoring behaviors. operationally, what that means is my sensors for determining the benefit of speaking out have been corrupted, not that i can never have reason to choose silence or that, even though i am someone who has problems speaking up, i am obligated to justify my choice to anyone. i'm not saying that i should never get called out because of this, i'm saying i need to have my agency respected.

that was quite a tangent. fortunately livejournal is a place of tangents holy, mundane and profane; that's a big part of why i always have and still do value livejournal, but back to what i was initially saying: yeah, i don't know what time's pronouns are, and maybe its time to ask if time wants that conversation.

your reaction to the above passage says as much about you as it does about me, by the way. nana nana boo boo.
mood: lapsang and juniper berries
music: rain