selva oscura (anonymousblack) wrote,
selva oscura
anonymousblack

the wind cannot hear

i wanted to write
longhand
naked
in the storm
lightning flashing
rain pounding
tea
cheese
maybe candles?
feel beautiful
for just a minute
you know
before i
die

instead i didn't

ended up bolting
out of the bathroom
across the kitchen
no pants on

shouting "WINDOWS!" at my headphoned partner's quizzical look
(working remotely to boards of canada)
the horizontal blasting rain turned slowly toward us as i cranked the window shut
in tandem with my crank
it almost felt like i was steering
briefly i wondered: do i control the wind
does the wind control me

i've been here
and i've been there
and i've been in between


in every honesty
it felt really good to run like that
even just that short burst
cathartic
completing a frustrated defensive movement
taking action

i broke the bedroom window crank
(it's been coming for a while)
there are so many things i'm not doing
so many things i'm not getting done
and then
there's everything else

all afternoon
before the rain
during the rain
and for hours after
the wind whistled
the wind howled
all around the corners
through the window cracks

i applied for a huge deal
fully funded
seven month long
writing residency
in another state
some eternity ago
am supposed to hear back at the end of april
now along with my godshonest terror of
WHAT IF I GET IT
(i probably won't get it)
there's the question of
(if they're still doing it)
SHOULD I TAKE IT
i don't know
i don't know
i don't know

amen

how are you?
Subscribe

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments