selva oscura (anonymousblack) wrote,
selva oscura

love in the time of 45

my sister lost her best friend. he died, very suddenly, sometime yesterday. he had several chronic illnesses, one of them diabetes, and apparently mentioned swelling in his leg the other day. i suspect the virus, but it could have been a lot of things, up to and including limited access to emergency care. his apartment was in an ALF in hard lockdown and he was struggling with the isolation, but my sister and him called and texted every day. he just got a bigger apartment, was so happy about it, he'd posted a picture on facebook of the photo collage on the back of his front door with a huge picture of my sister right front and center. he was an extremely good friend for her. he was so good with my niece. so much love in those connections.

damn, i'm going to miss him.

you know what i probably should have talked to her about at some point in the nearly five years since it happened was that whole thing about how i also lost my best friend very suddenly but if you know more about that situation then you understand why it came to be that way and if you don't, it is extraordinarily complicated on both sides of the equation and i have no idea where to even begin. i guess i will have to soon, though. it's time for me to talk to her about it. i just gotta figure out how.

please write him a letter, i said. she said, it's gonna be so long. maybe you should just start a notebook, i said, nodding because i know. just pick a notebook and start your letter in there and just keep going, there's gonna be a lot. she got up to look at her supply. i wish i had a blue one, she said, but i think a red one will do. better than the yellow, anyway, she said, and laughed. i bet he'd even be okay with yellow if it's from you, i wish i'd thought to say, but didn't think of it until now.

i don't know.

i don't know.

i don't know.

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